I See Myself Shirtless in a Lab

I want extra sauce
Extra everything
And no tofu

I magically make cake
And food and cokes.
I magically make a party
While my shadow quivers
On the ground

And the tremendous sucking force
Pulls me in another direction

My drunken feelings—
I ate so much
I didn’t have any room left

May you have all the secrets
That dwell in the power
And truth of knowledge

In a golden light cage
You’re powerless against me

The trees grow in
The waterfalls run uphill

I overdid it
I got carried away
Now all we have to do
Is sit back
And watch the videos
And wait for the pizza to arrive

A domino effect
Spills all the wine glasses
It’s time to try
My stasis ray

I See You Shirtless in a Lab

Doom balloon. Boom.
Here it is.

This machine will solve all your problems with the rebels.

To go back in time
And change your losing battles to winning battles

It has the power of lightning.

Kevin is the most beautiful ship of evil I’ve ever had
Standing on top of that mountain waiting.

The doom balloon was doomed
And beaten in the eye with a brick.

We’ll go back to a time before it happened—
Watch, I’ll rewind it—
I’ll give the doom balloon another energy beam.

And this is only the beginning
It’s as if history were being changed.

Kevin drew the meteor storm
Into his metallic nincompoops.

I tell the past present the future

And I know if I don’t stop them
I’ll spend my next hundred years
As a vacuum cleaner

See if you can reach in my pocket
Watch closely as I turn defeat into victory.

I See the World Only Through My Own Shitty Eyes

The chef is busy
Sending dickwads back where they came from.
Well, there are problems in the province.
And yet I’d still like a piece of that cake.

I have to find cover and stay here,
Stay in the strangest mystery: in four blue
Rings with white light inside of them.
It’s a white hole. Like a black hole,
But less dense.

And here I’m stuck pushing a wedge of tissue
Into a big gash
My biggest gash
Gagging at the sight.

I read foreign magazines
I track all of my own progress
But you’d never think I would be here
On this doorstep.

***

The chef is busy. Well there are problems in the province. Disrupting the area. Destroying property. Think if we could turn you into a giant, brave version of yourself. I’d still like a piece of that cake.

I thank everyone for your help. And for yours and for yours. One of the mysteries—the strangest mystery—is that this is very rare, my movements on a conveyer belt succeeding, the waterfall flowing uphill.

And you know, I’ve longed for this moment. I clap my hands to my face and get makeup smears on them. I look at the fat knight gleaming; I’m in a dream. One current for each fluid-vessel, and the currents coming together like this is unprecedented. With the vessels stretching and reaching, me running hard and fast, the bad ones deflected, lifted, thrown out past the white blurs romping through, fluids everywhere, the dark mass tapped out as I choke on a romantic stranger’s pointy tongue and toss all cum to the stars. It feels as if I’m getting some sort of signal. You’re a little too close for anyone’s comfort and we make you all pay.